


Crossing wires

by FixaIdea



Category: Astérix le Gaulois | Asterix the Gaul & Related Fandoms, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Comedy, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 16:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10222595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FixaIdea/pseuds/FixaIdea
Summary: The Fellowship's adventure in Moria goes... unexpectedly better than anticipated.(Written for a challenge - I had to write a fic my preteen self would enjoy.)





	

In hindsight Pippin couldn’t summon up a single logical reason why he thought that drinking from a strange, layabout flask, in the middle of a battle no less, was a good idea.

Though, quite honestly at this point no one dared as questions in case Reality noticed and decided to put its metaphorical feet down and put an end to this absurdity.

Things started to go… well, not wrong, more like prodigiously right but also unbelievably absurd when Pippin found that flask in Balin’s tomb. Gandalf was busy reading the Book of Mazarbul and Pippin, half listening, half trying to take in his surroundings, spotted something interesting. It was a round, bluish flask, oddly smooth and brightly coloured, clashing with its surroundings in a way Pippin couldn’t quite put his finger on.

And that was when the orcs attacked.

And that was also the moment Pippin decided to take a swing.

No one was prepared for what happened next. The Fellowship, Orcs and Trolls all watched in shock as Pippin’s body flashed with waves of bright colours and he rose into the air.

It only lasted a moment, after which he plopped back down on the ground, cross-eyed and scared out of his mind.

Everybody remained frozen. After a while an Orc crept cautiously closer and took an experimental swing at him. Pippin shrieked and punched him in the face.

Now, generally speaking, a Hobbit’s punch isn’t considered the mightiest force in the world, this is why jaws were hitting the ground right and left as the Orc flew right through the nearest wall, leaving a neat, Orc-shaped hole behind him.

There was a round of gasps… and before anyone could gather their wits Pippin quickly grabbed the Troll that had the misfortune of standing too close to him and began to clear his way – using the screaming creature as a bat.

Luckily Gandalf snapped out of it and sprang up, frantically waving at Pippin, pointing at the door. The Hobbit got the message and burst out into the open (bringing a good portion of the doorframe with him), still wielding his Troll, sending any Orc flying who dared charge at him.

The Fellowship tumbled out behind him, with Gandalf taking the lead.

Nobody had any clear memories of what happened next. They could recall Orcs scurrying out of their way, something vague about crossing a bridge, the ominous feeling of something Very Not Good looming in the far distance behind them, but nothing specific.

Pippin knew he must have dropped the Troll at some point (who presumably spent some time crying in a foetal position and then woved to retire immediately), sometime before they burst through the gates of Moria.

Certainly no one could recall the moment they gained a tenth companion.

But as they tried to regain their breath under the reassuringly bright sun, which for the time being kept the horrors of the mines safely inside, they noticed that an odd creature followed them through the gates.

It wasn’t clear at first glance whether he was a Hobbit, a Dwarf or a Man… Hobbits typically didn’t wear shoes or had moustaches, and Dwarves were more robust… So a short Man, probably. He wore a pair of wings on his helmet, not unlike the Guards of the Citadel in Minas Tirith, but nothing else about his attire suggested Gondorian origins.

Gandalf was about to step up to him and have him properly questioned when the stranger noticed the flask in Pippin’s hand.

‘Oh, thank Teutatis, I thought I lost that!’

‘Ah sorry, I didn’t mean to take it!’ said Pippin, promptly returning it, oblivious to the frantic gesturing of Aragorn, Boromír and even Frodo, imploring him not to do it.

‘No harm done’ said the stranger ‘I shouldn’t have dropped it in the first place. Any idea where we are?’

‘We are at the Eastern gate of Moria, North-West of Lórien.’ said Gandalf, leaning on his staff, still slightly breathless.

The stranger’s eyes went wide and slightly vacant – the wings on his helmet flopped down like the ears of a sad puppy.

‘So… definitely not Armorica.’

‘No I’m afraid not. I never heard of such a place. May I ask though, who and what are you, and how you ended up in those forsaken mines?’

The little man scratched the back of his head, then held out his hand. It took Gandalf a fraction of a second to understand what he wanted but then be took and shook the offered hand.

‘Astérix the Gaul, pleased to meet you. Wish I could explain how or why I got here, but your guess is as good as mine.’

The Fellowship gathered around him as he went on:

‘See, we discovered this strange new cave in the forest and our druid said he had a bad feeling about it. So I volunteered to take a closer look. It didn’t seem like anything special at first but then the floor just up and collapsed under me.’

He shrugged.

‘I woke up in there’ he jabbed a finger at the gate behind them ‘And that’s it.’

Gandalf stroke his beard, deep in thought. All of this was too absurd to be natural, and besides, he had a strange, but very good feeling about this odd man. He was quite certain that this wasn’t simply the case of the Valar trying to tell him something, but rather them screaming and pointing while waving cardboard signs.

He took a deep breath.

‘Well, Master Astérix, I am sorry to say that I cannot help you get home. Even if I had any idea what to do, we are on a rather dangerous quest and I cannot afford any detours. But right now we are headed towards Lórien, where the Lady Galadriel lives. If she can’t help you, no one can, so I suggest you join us for now.’

The wings flapped up in hope.

‘Sure, thanks! Can’t see what else I could do.’

After a brief contemplation he added:

‘Do tell me about this quest of yours?’


End file.
